(no subject)

[quentincoyote]

Dear Mom and Dad,

So... I am going to tell you something now, that I have wanted to tell you for a long time, but have just been too afraid to so far. I had been intending to wait to do this, possibly for a long while, until certain external criteria had been met. But... recent life events have made me decide that, in the long run, it would be better to just go ahead and do it now, and get through it so we can again reach for more happiness later. Don't worry, it isn't anything bad, at least not by my lights. Just, I know that this may be somewhat hard for you. Also, Dad, if I appear to address this letter more in parts to mom specifically, I do want to tell you both, it's just that I think that of the two of you, mom may have a harder time coming to terms with it.

Anyway... So... a couple of times ago when I was over there, mom, you asked me if I had been seeing anyone. And I gave you some vague, evasive answer, I don't even remember exactly what. Well, the fact of the matter is, that yes, I have been seeing someone. I have been seeing someone for a rather long time now, as a matter of fact. His name is David. He is my boyfriend. We have been together now for almost a year and a half. And, he makes me happier than anyone I've ever been with in my whole life. Yes, even Jonathan.

I have wanted to tell you this, so very desperately, for so long now. I came so very close, so many times now. Particularly this last time, mom, waiting for the bus with you in the car. But, I didn't. I chickened out. I was just so afraid of being there, and having you start to yell, and me not be able to get out everything that I needed to say about it, once you'd heard a fairly significant fact about it, that that's all you would hear, and not hear anymore. I am sorry that I am doing this now, this way, instead of telling you to your face in person. I wish that I was brave enough to do that. But, I would at least rather do this, this way, than continue to keep him a secret from you, compartmentalize you all away from each other in different segments of my life, and never even get the chance to know each other, never have a chance to see how amazing all of you are, the way that I see you. I want you all to be able to be a part of each others lives, the way that you are of mine.

So, here is the big fact: David is 18. He will be 19 in November. And yes, if you do the math, that does mean that we have been together since shortly before he was 17.

Here are some other facts about him: He speaks three languages - English, Spainish, and French. He is smart as a whip, and can run circles around most people my age, and yours. In the span that we've been with each other, we've already been all over the place together. We went to Montreal together. We even went to Bear Mountain together, where Granddad used to take me when I was little, and we climbed all the way to the top on our own. As for himself, he has further been to Iceland, the UK, the Neatherlands, Italy, Portugal, Costa Rica, Paris, The Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Thailand, and the list goes on and on...

I love him. And, he loves me. And, I even get along great with *his* mom, as I'm sure, among any number of things, you're wondering about that sort of thing too. (His father is no longer in their family's picture.) His mom is also, incidentally, a nurse for Lupus patients, and has just very recently been diagnosed with Lupus herself. If you want to look for any kind of cosmic serendipity there. But, anyway...

He has made me the happiest that I've ever been in my entire life. He is an extraordinary person. He is my soul mate. And, I really do believe that, once you get over the shock/hurt/anger/whatever else you may feel about this, that you will eventually come to see that, and love him the way that I do to.

I realize, however, that that may take a lot of time, and effort... and maybe harsh emotions. Thus... this letter. It has kind of been a connundrum for me, in that, I couldn't really use the continued strength of our relationship as a selling point, because of the age it places him at when we started. And yet, if I didn't tell you how long we'd been together, then it still would have been no good for you, for still pretty much those self same reasons. In any case, I decided, in the end, that just the plain truth and the whole truth was the best option. If it helps any whatsoever, neither of us went out looking for this... it just sort of... happened. But, it is here now, and I would not trade it for anything. Anything.

I would like to point out, that I did not have to tell you any of this at all. After all, as I said, this has been going on for a year and a half, and you did not even know. No reason that I couldn't just keep going on like this indefinitely, and you still wouldn't ever know. But, I don't *want* to do that. I never did. I want you to know each other, and be able to share all of my life together. I always did. For his part, he has been from the very beginning, wistful and hopeful of meeting you some day.

Last year, I actually told Ceci about David. She was supposed to be visiting the city, and I had hoped that, she could get to meet him first, as a sort of a test run, and perhaps help me introduce him to you... in a similar way as I had helped her with Barney and their marriage, back when you disapproved of that. She agreed to at first, but then got cold feet herself, and chickened out. For which, I have been rather bitter and disappointed in her for that ever since after all that, but, that is between me and her. In any case, I made ther then at least promise not to tell you, until I could do so, in my own way, when I somehow eventually felt that the time was right. Actually, I only assume that she kept her word on that. For all I know, she told you a long long time ago, and you've just been waiting for me to come clean about it, and me writing this whole letter is all very foolish. I actually wouldn't mind that I suppose, if that's the case. :-P But, in case it's not... I write.

Anyway... I was originally going to try wait to tell you, until he graduated high school (which he does this June), and, perhaps even college for that matter, which he is looking into. That would have been easy, in a way... It would give me an excuse to just not have to even deal with this issue, for a very long time. Yeah, that would have been easy. But... that's also a really freaking long time... and who knows what could maybe happen to all of us, you, me, him, any of us, between now and then?

A friend of mine just died recently, the other week. He was killed on his motorcycle (by a possibly drunk driver). I wrote about it here: http://quentincoyote.livejournal.com/539686.html A lot our mutual friends just came back from his funeral. I started thinking that I just couldn't do it that way. I couldn't keep you out of each other's lives for so long. It just wouldn't be fair to any of you, nor me either. You know, when David and I went to Montreal, it was during that weekend of the really bad snow and ice storm, right after Thanksgiving. And, we almost died in his car, coming home. We totally spun out on the highway at 50 mph, and ended up in the ditch. Miraculously, nieither of us were hurt in the slightest little bit, and neither was his car. But, it could have gone very very differently. And I thought to myself... how terrible it would be for *you* if that had happened... if I had died *that* way, and you never even knew why... why I was there, who that was that I was with, or everything that he meant to me. That would be just the most terrible thing to think about of all.

So, I'm not doing that. I'm doing this, and I'm telling you now. And it may be hard, and it may hurt, and I'm sorry, but this is the way that it is, and, I hope that one day, hopefully one day soon, but hopefully one day, that you will understand that I am ultimately doing it because I love you. All of you.

It is also important for you to understand that I am not asking you for your permission. I am telling you, that this is how it is. And, that this is how it is going to be. Where we go from here with this initially will largely be up to you know. After this letter, I'm not going to contact you for a little while. I ask that you do not respond to this right away, just take a little time please, to reflect on everything. And then, when you're ready... please call me, or, write me a letter back, if you wish.

Anyway... I love you both very much... and, I'm very scared right now writing all of this to you. But, I love you both very much, and I just hope that, somewhere in there at least, you understand that, and that that is *why* I'm doing this. Please contact me, eventually, when you can.

Love,
Quentin

***



As in like, I sent it, it's sent. No taking it back now.

...

I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT!!! :-P

Comments

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Best to you and yours, too. *hugs*