(no subject)

[quentincoyote]

Dear Mom and Dad,

So... I am going to tell you something now, that I have wanted to tell you for a long time, but have just been too afraid to so far. I had been intending to wait to do this, possibly for a long while, until certain external criteria had been met. But... recent life events have made me decide that, in the long run, it would be better to just go ahead and do it now, and get through it so we can again reach for more happiness later. Don't worry, it isn't anything bad, at least not by my lights. Just, I know that this may be somewhat hard for you. Also, Dad, if I appear to address this letter more in parts to mom specifically, I do want to tell you both, it's just that I think that of the two of you, mom may have a harder time coming to terms with it.

Anyway... So... a couple of times ago when I was over there, mom, you asked me if I had been seeing anyone. And I gave you some vague, evasive answer, I don't even remember exactly what. Well, the fact of the matter is, that yes, I have been seeing someone. I have been seeing someone for a rather long time now, as a matter of fact. His name is David. He is my boyfriend. We have been together now for almost a year and a half. And, he makes me happier than anyone I've ever been with in my whole life. Yes, even Jonathan.

I have wanted to tell you this, so very desperately, for so long now. I came so very close, so many times now. Particularly this last time, mom, waiting for the bus with you in the car. But, I didn't. I chickened out. I was just so afraid of being there, and having you start to yell, and me not be able to get out everything that I needed to say about it, once you'd heard a fairly significant fact about it, that that's all you would hear, and not hear anymore. I am sorry that I am doing this now, this way, instead of telling you to your face in person. I wish that I was brave enough to do that. But, I would at least rather do this, this way, than continue to keep him a secret from you, compartmentalize you all away from each other in different segments of my life, and never even get the chance to know each other, never have a chance to see how amazing all of you are, the way that I see you. I want you all to be able to be a part of each others lives, the way that you are of mine.

So, here is the big fact: David is 18. He will be 19 in November. And yes, if you do the math, that does mean that we have been together since shortly before he was 17.

Here are some other facts about him: He speaks three languages - English, Spainish, and French. He is smart as a whip, and can run circles around most people my age, and yours. In the span that we've been with each other, we've already been all over the place together. We went to Montreal together. We even went to Bear Mountain together, where Granddad used to take me when I was little, and we climbed all the way to the top on our own. As for himself, he has further been to Iceland, the UK, the Neatherlands, Italy, Portugal, Costa Rica, Paris, The Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Thailand, and the list goes on and on...

I love him. And, he loves me. And, I even get along great with *his* mom, as I'm sure, among any number of things, you're wondering about that sort of thing too. (His father is no longer in their family's picture.) His mom is also, incidentally, a nurse for Lupus patients, and has just very recently been diagnosed with Lupus herself. If you want to look for any kind of cosmic serendipity there. But, anyway...

He has made me the happiest that I've ever been in my entire life. He is an extraordinary person. He is my soul mate. And, I really do believe that, once you get over the shock/hurt/anger/whatever else you may feel about this, that you will eventually come to see that, and love him the way that I do to.

I realize, however, that that may take a lot of time, and effort... and maybe harsh emotions. Thus... this letter. It has kind of been a connundrum for me, in that, I couldn't really use the continued strength of our relationship as a selling point, because of the age it places him at when we started. And yet, if I didn't tell you how long we'd been together, then it still would have been no good for you, for still pretty much those self same reasons. In any case, I decided, in the end, that just the plain truth and the whole truth was the best option. If it helps any whatsoever, neither of us went out looking for this... it just sort of... happened. But, it is here now, and I would not trade it for anything. Anything.

I would like to point out, that I did not have to tell you any of this at all. After all, as I said, this has been going on for a year and a half, and you did not even know. No reason that I couldn't just keep going on like this indefinitely, and you still wouldn't ever know. But, I don't *want* to do that. I never did. I want you to know each other, and be able to share all of my life together. I always did. For his part, he has been from the very beginning, wistful and hopeful of meeting you some day.

Last year, I actually told Ceci about David. She was supposed to be visiting the city, and I had hoped that, she could get to meet him first, as a sort of a test run, and perhaps help me introduce him to you... in a similar way as I had helped her with Barney and their marriage, back when you disapproved of that. She agreed to at first, but then got cold feet herself, and chickened out. For which, I have been rather bitter and disappointed in her for that ever since after all that, but, that is between me and her. In any case, I made ther then at least promise not to tell you, until I could do so, in my own way, when I somehow eventually felt that the time was right. Actually, I only assume that she kept her word on that. For all I know, she told you a long long time ago, and you've just been waiting for me to come clean about it, and me writing this whole letter is all very foolish. I actually wouldn't mind that I suppose, if that's the case. :-P But, in case it's not... I write.

Anyway... I was originally going to try wait to tell you, until he graduated high school (which he does this June), and, perhaps even college for that matter, which he is looking into. That would have been easy, in a way... It would give me an excuse to just not have to even deal with this issue, for a very long time. Yeah, that would have been easy. But... that's also a really freaking long time... and who knows what could maybe happen to all of us, you, me, him, any of us, between now and then?

A friend of mine just died recently, the other week. He was killed on his motorcycle (by a possibly drunk driver). I wrote about it here: http://quentincoyote.livejournal.com/539686.html A lot our mutual friends just came back from his funeral. I started thinking that I just couldn't do it that way. I couldn't keep you out of each other's lives for so long. It just wouldn't be fair to any of you, nor me either. You know, when David and I went to Montreal, it was during that weekend of the really bad snow and ice storm, right after Thanksgiving. And, we almost died in his car, coming home. We totally spun out on the highway at 50 mph, and ended up in the ditch. Miraculously, nieither of us were hurt in the slightest little bit, and neither was his car. But, it could have gone very very differently. And I thought to myself... how terrible it would be for *you* if that had happened... if I had died *that* way, and you never even knew why... why I was there, who that was that I was with, or everything that he meant to me. That would be just the most terrible thing to think about of all.

So, I'm not doing that. I'm doing this, and I'm telling you now. And it may be hard, and it may hurt, and I'm sorry, but this is the way that it is, and, I hope that one day, hopefully one day soon, but hopefully one day, that you will understand that I am ultimately doing it because I love you. All of you.

It is also important for you to understand that I am not asking you for your permission. I am telling you, that this is how it is. And, that this is how it is going to be. Where we go from here with this initially will largely be up to you know. After this letter, I'm not going to contact you for a little while. I ask that you do not respond to this right away, just take a little time please, to reflect on everything. And then, when you're ready... please call me, or, write me a letter back, if you wish.

Anyway... I love you both very much... and, I'm very scared right now writing all of this to you. But, I love you both very much, and I just hope that, somewhere in there at least, you understand that, and that that is *why* I'm doing this. Please contact me, eventually, when you can.

Love,
Quentin

***



As in like, I sent it, it's sent. No taking it back now.

...

I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT!!! :-P

Comments

[cubstatik.livejournal.com]

It's very well written.

The only thing I would change is mentioning his age since you did mention he was a minor when you got together. She might freak and lose all focus on the soul you poured into this by being derailed by the fact he was a minor. I just don't see why the mention is important. It's your letter though in the end. *hugs*

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

I do understand all that... But, it is the truth, and it's better to just get it all out now in one fell shot, I think.

[cubstatik.livejournal.com]

Normally I would agree but with experience in this kind of thing and going through both sides of the coin I have to disagree.

You're not just telling her you're gay here, you're telling her you're gay and got involved with a minor. The shock factor doubled here. The low blow route works wonders. Really a age is not important, you got together because you two wanted to be together. Making that decision and continuing to grow with you already makes him a adult. Others don't see it that way though and freak out with the thin lined details. Just my thoughts bro, you know I support you.

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

No, it's not a gay thing, I've been out to my parents since *I* was 16. Still though, yeah... We'll see.

[furahi.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Best of lucks, yote

[roby-panther.livejournal.com]

Wonderful letter dude.

[badboybunny.livejournal.com]

Good luck!!!

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thanks man. *hugs*

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Best to you and yours, too. *hugs*

[silver-kiden.livejournal.com]

*hugs you tight* hey, everything will work out hun. though, now that i hear more about him, i'm kind of jealous >..> i'd love to be able to speak three languages! my high school just never offered the languages that i wanted to learn, and now i just never seem to have the time. (German and japanese, if you were interested)

[kzorrofuego.livejournal.com]

*fingers crossed*

[canid-anubis.livejournal.com]

*Glances down at your big balls there* Congrats. I hope it goes well, and that if it doesn't, that you'll have the patience to wait it out until it does. Good to see that it is filtered, as I'm sure some folks could have a bit of fun with it at your expense.
For me, learn something new every day. I knew you were with another, but I didn't know the age, myself. I know another couple furs with almost 20 years between them that are doing great, as well as some others with as wide a spread over the years. Cool that you two found one another and that you're happy.
Again, good luck with it all there, they'll come around sooner or later, if they don't right off, I'm sure.

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thanks man. *hugs* Lol... well, she's already resumed sending me her typically daily joke email forwards, so I guess that's a good sign at least. ;-P

[overzen.livejournal.com]

That is a very brave move, Q, and I hope that it will turn out for the best. When Jason and I came out to our families, it was amazing how well they took it. I guess you hear all these horror stories about families rejecting someone because they are gay and they only wanted to be honest with them. Yet, I do think that is a rare occurrence, and most people are very accepting.

I also know the double stress in coming out because you have met someone, as does Jason. You're afraid they might take it worse because it does mean that you are what you say you are, and that you're not simply wanting to "experiment" or something like that. It's all a scary and head spinning situation. But you obviously understand that it's better to be fully open to those you love, so that they can share in the love of everyone in your life.

I wish you the best, and hope you are so very pleasantly surprised by the outcome. *hugs*

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and I haven't seen you guys in forever either, by the way. Hope you're doing well. *hugs*

[zeuslion.livejournal.com]

You wrote a very good letter, Yote. I don't know your family, but you made a good case, and stuck to your guns about the nature of your relationship, and that you need no approval, only acceptance. I hope things go well. *hugs tight*

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thanks Ben. *hugs* And, I haven't forgotten about your other email, either. There's two I might recommend (JD Puppy and Jimmywolf, I'll try to get around to asking them soon.)

[tozier-wah.livejournal.com]

*snugs*

[warsawkook.livejournal.com]

Oh man, Q. *SNUGS* I'm surprised more people haven't responded, but I gotta say - I am DAMN proud of you, and I am honored to know someone with such value and such bravery (even if I've only gotten to meet you briefly in person.)

And yes, it's best to get it out in one shot. Reading that EMail from a parent's point of view - I'm sure they'll freak at first. But you are their son and you'll always be their son, regardless of who you choose to love... my wish is that this is what reigns supreme in their minds.

My love's with you, as are my hopes. (And I'm the jaded sort who never hopes for a lot, so that's a biggie. :P )

(And dude, I REALLY gotta make it out to a meet sometime; we need to have an actual conversation at some point where I'm not all "EERRRRRRRRR OH HAI!")

[kumakehu.livejournal.com]

I'm very proud of you. Surely not an easy thing to do. *hugs tight*

[silent-o.livejournal.com]

The BRASS BALLS award goes to:

Quentin

-hugs-


I hope everything works out for you.

[frostleopard.livejournal.com]

It'll tell you one very important thing about your parents that will do one of two things between your relationship with them and yourself:

Make it stronger, knowing they are more tolerant and accepting than most of their generation.

Or completely destroy it, due to the majority of their generations' teachings, outbreaks, and unfortunate events...

The other thing that can happen, strangely, is one can be one end, and the second can be a completely different end...

I hope the best for you... Especially because I know how it feels to wonder what the answer is. :/

Moms are sharper than we think...

[ionotter.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

Dear Quentin,

It's about time you settled down! Come and see us when you're ready.


-Love,

Mom

Re: Moms are sharper than we think...

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Lol. This might as well have been Dad's response, not so much Mom's though. ;-P

[baconcoyote.livejournal.com]

I hope things go well for you Coyote Brotha :)

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thanks yote. *hugs*

[rynden.livejournal.com]

Good Luck.

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs*

[cyriljackal.livejournal.com]

I came to the party late... what happened! Immediate twitter like updates please!

[tigerfoxx.livejournal.com]

I don't know much about your parents and how they would react to an underage boyfriend, but I think it was a good letter. You'll do fine, don't worry about it darlin'.

[silvermane3.livejournal.com]

Good luck Coyote and I hope everything works out well! :)

[sashatigress.livejournal.com]

*hugs tightly* WOW . . . Quentin, that was one beautifully written, heartfelt letter. I hope all goes well between you and your parents. I have seen the two of you together and it’s so very easy to see how happy you make each other. As for the age thing, hopefully your mom can overlook that being that David’s mom has known about your relationship all along. And in no way would one think of him as some immature kid, as you said . . . “...can run circles around most people my age, and yours. “ If you hid his age, as some have mentioned, you would still be lying and yea that really would have defeated the possible of the letter. The photo rev_fox took of the two of you during last year’s camping trip keeps coming to mind... it truly shows how intent you are together.
Well, again I hope all goes well between all of you and I hope you update this entry when you and your parents do talk about the letter.

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thanks Sasha... *hugs tight* I remember that picture you're talking about.. I should try to get a copy of that from him.

Anyway... I kind of do think that, if she will ever just be able to see the two of us together, then she'll finally get it and understand (as it had to go down for many of our friends). Just getting there will be the challenge, though.

[dexter-fox.livejournal.com]

Firstly. Good luck. That was a brave, but necessary letter and you did the right thing by writing it. I'm sure both of your parents love you and want you to be happy and will come to accept David and celebrate your love for him.

But secondly, I don't know your mother, but I do know mothers. And if yours is anything similar, she won't be pleasantly surprised. Mothers always know what's best and always have the benefit of experience. And after putting so much heart and soul into you, you'd better listen. Because she only wants to help, and that can mean making you see reason.

You've given your heart to this young man, but he is a young man. At a completely different stage of his life. Maybe he's a smart cookie and he's figured things out, but nobody knows what they want or who they are at 18. Think of when you were that age and how you've changed since. In small ways and large ones. Think of the opportunities that were before you and consider if you could have pursued them if you were attached to someone. He'd probably give up that job offer on the west coast for you, but is that fair? To surrender a lifetime of what could have been? Even to consider such a choice can be a terrible strain on the best relationship. You can give your heart to this young man, but can he do more than lend his to you? However earnestly and sincerely and truly, can he make that promise and never regret it, not knowing what is to come? And if he finds some new part of who he is and you aren't there? Will he hide it and resent you? High school sweethearts may have a chance, but they grow and bend together as two trees that intertwine. He is a sapling bending around your weathered oak. Can he bend so far? Do you really want to ask him to? He may be willing today, but how far msut he bend? Can either of you really know?

[stevefoxx.livejournal.com]

Wishing you the best...

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thanks Steve *hugs*

[shadowdwolf]

Wow.... *huggles*

Best of luck to you both, Q. I suspect this road will get quite bumpy in short order. Hang on tight.

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

thank you *hugs*

[flash-t-wolf.livejournal.com]

Let us know how it all turns out soon. You gotta lot of support here, even from me.

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *hugs*

[zelox-quo.livejournal.com]

Well Quentin, as usual you have a way with words.

You also have some serious balls, and definietly have my respect for it.

You linked your LJ in there, is that the first time that they have recieved it? Otherwise, if your parents are anything like mine, they would have been keeping tabs on you for quite a while. And thus, would already know of the relationship and ages and all of that.

[quentincoyote.livejournal.com]

It's not the first time that I have, but only once before. So, in short, yeah, she or they could have if they really wanted to, some things I kind of left open like that, maybe on purpose just so it might come out that way. But no, evidently she does not read me regularly. Not that I really expected her to actually do so, anyway.

[crono-liganthah.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's a big letter =3 but I'm sure that after reading all that and knowing how much David is to you and what you two have done and stuff, who wouldn't understand the love you two share =3

Heh, of course ,this might be a bit late in responding, but I hope things work well or worked well with ya Quentin =3

[gldm.livejournal.com]

It reminds me of the letter I wrote when I dropped out of college. Introducing my b/fs was a few years before that. Fortunately my mother got over it after 3 of them and a decade or so. :)

I hope things go as well with your parents, and sorry this is such a late reply.