Anthrocon 2010
Jul. 1st, 2010 01:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
quentincoyoteAnd now, I will tell of my Anthrocon experience.
So... Truthfully, I was a little bit scared, going into it. This was to be the first con that I would be going to without Rex. And, I really didn't know what that would be like. I was afraid. Afraid of getting there, and seeing all the things and places, that I already knew in my mind that I would see, places where we had seen and had very significant experiences together... people that we knew. I was dreading every "Hey, Quentin! Uh.. where's Rex?" that I was sure I would still hear... and just... so many other things. I would be missing the other half of my brain, my soul. And I didn't know if I would know how to... be me, anymore.
But... I got there alright. And thankfully, first of all, there was none of that dreaded phrase. Didn't even happen once. It had happened before, to be sure, in places closer to home. But, I guess by now, that had worked itself all out. And, as far as seeing all those familiar places goes... It was actually alright. The character and energy that I love so much about that place, was all still there, unchanged, waiting for me. And, I had been here before, many times, before, without rex as well. And all of those memories, I found, were still waiting there for me too. I started hanging around our... my... usual spot pretty much right away after I checked in. And immediately, friends that I knew started coming up to me, didn't treat me any different, and it was all... surprisingly ok. And new people came as well, as they do, and for that I didn't even have to worry about any of that at all.
Even the thing that I was very much most afraid of... having to pass by the spot on the sky bridge, where I first ever laid eyes on Rex, back three years ago before we actually "met" for real, was... somehow... unexplainably... ok.
Before the end of that first night, I met my first roommate, Digi, and he was a super cool, nice, totally awesome guy. We hit it off right away, and then the next day, his mate See Rex Play (again, hilarious), and by that point, my worries started to melt away, and I was simply having fun. Feeling good. Happy. For the first time, in about two months.
This was good for me.
By the next day, I found myself starting to go and do things, that I always used to love doing, but that Rex was never really into, so in recent times I'd started holding off from. Now, I was free to do them again. And unfettered, with impunity, without guilt or any kind of furtive thought that I had to "sneak this in", lest it bore or upset Rex.
Like, the dances, for one. I've always loved the dance. I feed off the dance's energy. I get power from the dance. The dance is, after all, where I first learned that I was a coyote, way back at my first Anthrocon, in 2001. Rex never used to care for the dance. For the last almost three years at every con, I'd only been to them for a few minutes each, when I could drag him there. Or else, by myself, when he was off doing... other things, and my mind was elsewhere, anyway. Now however, there, in that Place, I was reborn again. And I stayed for hours, and danced the nights away.
***
I had a couple of fancy dinners, with different groups of friends - a thing that I enjoy very very much. Spent litterally four hours at the Melting Pot, with Pyrophin, Scitters, and about 20 or so others (a few of which I got to talking to, and I think will now become quite good friends in the future). I sipped 100 year old Grand Marinier... and then, dipped marshmallows in it, and set them on fire. That place has now been redeemed for me, as well. I also had an absolutely wonderful dinner at the Sonoma Grill, with Direwolf, Tekfox and company. And enjoyed every single one hundred plus dollar bite of it. Thanks guys. *hugs all tight*
***
I had some very long talks, with several long time friends and acquaintances, with whom I've had... long standing unfinished business with, of some form or another. For years, in some cases. And I got to ask questions, and lay everything out on my side, once and for all, in ways that I never quite had before, and for the lack of it, had always nagged at me for the longest time. Perhaps, in some of those cases, maybe that's laid groundwork for new possibilities in the future. Perhaps not. But, in any case, if felt really really good to have all that closure. For coming into this thing as worried as I was, it was pretty amazing how much peace I was able to find, about a whole lot of different things. And, through it all, there were also other reminders of home calling back to me, reminding me of many new good things I may have to look forward to back here. Even things that had been here for awhile now, but I've only now just been starting to see them.
So... Yeah. Antrhocon, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You gave me just what I needed, right when I needed it the most. I'm so very glad that I came.
***
THIS IS IMPORTANT - READ THIS!
Now then. Having said all of that, there is one more story that I must tell. For, there is one thing that happened, I realized... that explains... EVERYTHING... that is wrong, with everything, and everybody, everywhere, for ever and always. Both litterally, and metaphorically. Absolutely everything. Are you ready for this? Cause, I'm serious as a heart attack here, so you'd better listen the fuck up, I'mma lay it all down for you, right now.
The names of the principals involved here have been omitted, they may not even read this, but they might. And, I do not wish to cause too much embarrassment or butthurt, but mmmmmmyou'd better listen up too. Thank you, in a way, for being such a shining example, and my eppiphany, but... I'mma smack the taste outta yer mouths if you don't heed the word, I swear to god.
So.
So at one point, on Sunday night, I decided to go back up to my room, to check out what was going on there. And I get there, and there's a whole bunch of people in there. All of whom I knew, I... think? Yes.
So anyway, they're all in there, and there's a whoooooole bunch of sex going on up in there. And clearly has been, for some time prior. "No big deal, I had that too," you say? Or, "goddamn, what the fuck, why couldn't I find that??" Nope, don't worry about it, not my point. Read on.
So, all of that's going on, and I'm a little buzzed and feeling pretty good, so I'm like mmmmmmmmmmalright, maybe I can get into this too. So, I get undressed, take a shower, and come back in to see what's up. Now, I'm not the kind of guy to just try to muscle in, and try to take me some of that. I don't do the whole competition thing. Me, I'm like, if you notice me, that's good, I'm here, I will respond to you. But if you don't, well then, fuck you too, I don't have time for that. But so, I get on the bed next to a couple of these guys, and wait to see what happens.
And, I'm watching these two going at it, both of them in fursuit with the heads off, and one of them's laying on his back, while the other one is leaning over him, giving him head. And the one giving head's really going at it, and the one laying back is getting all into it, and is all hot and bothered, and you can tell is getting really ready to blow his load.
AND THEN! All of a sudden, right there, in that very moment... the one giving head suddenly jerks himself up off of it, whips around to call out to his boyfriend who is over there standing behind him watching, and he yells, "Hey honey! Can you check my phone to see if [So And So] texted me? Cause he said he might want to get together and fool around later!
...
...
...
...And my jaw just hit the floor!!!
What?
WHAT?
Excuse me???
Did you REALLY just do what I think you just did? Is this happening, not happening? I don't even know anymore!
DUDE! Can you fucking finish having the sex that you're ACTUALLY having, before you're fucking rushing off in your own mind towards the sex that you aren't, but maybe could be having, later, some time in the future? Or maybe even, you know, not, for all you know??? You had HARD. DICK. IN. YOUR. MOUTH! You were in the moment! You were WHERE, ostensibly, you wanted to be, doing EXACTLY what you wanted to be doing!!! And you fucking STOPPED it, to chase after some magical other fantasy dick, that you don't have yet, that you might or might never have, and that might or might not be any better, than the one you HAVE RIGHT NOW! And you're missing it! You're missing your moment! And you fucking have it, and you don't even care or can't even see it, cause you're fucking chasing those other grapes, just out of reach, way over the fuck there somewhere!
UNBEFUCKINGLEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111ONE!
And I would be so motherfucking pissed as hell, if I was that guy that you stopped doing that to to have that little outburst over, and I would never even want to deal with you again, fuck. that. shit.
And as for [So And So]? Yeah, that never even happened at all, by the way. Cause, I saw [So And So] later the next morning, and recounted this whole story to him, and he burst out laughing and was surprised, and had no idea about any of all that at all. So, no, he wasn't missing you much, while you were missing out on what you COULD have had, and insulting and depriving the hell out of one really nice guy in the process. And, by the way, that's some quality dick right there, I should know, so bitch, bettah learn to appreciate what you have, and learn some humility and respect, thank you very much. You don't want it, tell you what, you go get the hell up off of it, and stop wasting everyone's time. *pimpsmacks!*
Yeah, so, that happened.
And then! Right after that... This other friend of mine, that I've played around with at times before, wasn't otherwise occupied, so he comes up to me, and he starts going down on me, and my head is still reeling from what I've just witnessed next to me, but I'm like alright, cool, I'm getting some now finally, and I'm gonna fucking enjoy it, ain't no way I'm gonna recreate what just happened over there...
But he starts doing that, and after a few seconds he stops, looks up at me... and fucking starts boasting to me about how much stuff he's already had that day, and how many times he'd gotten off earlier, etc...!
>.<
And I'm just like, in my head... YEAH! And, you could fucking be having one more, RIGHT NOW, if you'd just shut the fuck up and do it! And, by the way, not incidentally, while you're there telling me about it, and how great it all was, I'm fucking NOT having it, cause instead of making your muzzle useful, you're flapping it telling me how great the other stuff was and how satisfied you are. Can you possibly imagine, just for a moment, how really much I want to hear about all that right now??? What's tomorrow gonna be like? Are you gonna fucking reminisce tomorrow about the time last night that you reminisced about sucking dick, instead of, you know, fucking ACTUALLY SUCKING MY DICK???
Jesusfuckingchrist in hell!!! People are so fucking caught up in what they don't have yet, or what they could have, or what they used to have, that they don't fucking see WHAT THEY ACTUALLY FUCKING HAVE! It's right there! It's yours! All you have to do is reach out and take it!
Here, I'mma put on my serious face again, so you know how fucking serious I am!
...
And that... Is what is wrong, with everything, and every one. Fucking. Listen. To. Me.
*sighs, rubs paw to temple* hurrrrrrrrr... ImacoyoteImacoyoteImacoyote.... >.< *twitches, cricks neck*
So... after that, I'm like, fuck this, check please, I'm out... So I got up, got dressed again, and went back outside to people watch, hang out, and enjoy a very peaceful rest of the evening.
***
The next day, I woke up to an email from Jet Blue, saying that every fucking flight back to NYC was just summarily canceled, for some reason or another. There was a little bit of panic and scrambling there. But, I was very quickly rescued by Cliff Husky, Pyrophin, Scitters, and Curtis, who were driving back. And so, I spent a very very pleasant eight hours in the car ride back, just talking with Cliff, and listening to music, while the others slept in the back (minus Scitters, who was in a separate car). Stopped and ate at a Waffle House on the way back, awesome food, good times. Got back home, got to show off Fal's and my super fancy and nice apartment here in Hoboken, talked about how it just made us want to smack every lazy and retarded furry out there that just gives up, accepts failure as a way of life, and can't find it within themselves to make something of themselves.
I went to bed, happy, chipper, and feeling really really good about myself, and my life. It's been a very long and hard road, but, I've really done very well for myself, both financially, and in life. I'm in a very good place. And, I have some of the most amazing friends in the world, and nowhere to look but up, for my future to come. Life is good.
And, you ain't seen nothin' yet.
Aroo. ^.^
So... Truthfully, I was a little bit scared, going into it. This was to be the first con that I would be going to without Rex. And, I really didn't know what that would be like. I was afraid. Afraid of getting there, and seeing all the things and places, that I already knew in my mind that I would see, places where we had seen and had very significant experiences together... people that we knew. I was dreading every "Hey, Quentin! Uh.. where's Rex?" that I was sure I would still hear... and just... so many other things. I would be missing the other half of my brain, my soul. And I didn't know if I would know how to... be me, anymore.
But... I got there alright. And thankfully, first of all, there was none of that dreaded phrase. Didn't even happen once. It had happened before, to be sure, in places closer to home. But, I guess by now, that had worked itself all out. And, as far as seeing all those familiar places goes... It was actually alright. The character and energy that I love so much about that place, was all still there, unchanged, waiting for me. And, I had been here before, many times, before, without rex as well. And all of those memories, I found, were still waiting there for me too. I started hanging around our... my... usual spot pretty much right away after I checked in. And immediately, friends that I knew started coming up to me, didn't treat me any different, and it was all... surprisingly ok. And new people came as well, as they do, and for that I didn't even have to worry about any of that at all.
Even the thing that I was very much most afraid of... having to pass by the spot on the sky bridge, where I first ever laid eyes on Rex, back three years ago before we actually "met" for real, was... somehow... unexplainably... ok.
Before the end of that first night, I met my first roommate, Digi, and he was a super cool, nice, totally awesome guy. We hit it off right away, and then the next day, his mate See Rex Play (again, hilarious), and by that point, my worries started to melt away, and I was simply having fun. Feeling good. Happy. For the first time, in about two months.
This was good for me.
By the next day, I found myself starting to go and do things, that I always used to love doing, but that Rex was never really into, so in recent times I'd started holding off from. Now, I was free to do them again. And unfettered, with impunity, without guilt or any kind of furtive thought that I had to "sneak this in", lest it bore or upset Rex.
Like, the dances, for one. I've always loved the dance. I feed off the dance's energy. I get power from the dance. The dance is, after all, where I first learned that I was a coyote, way back at my first Anthrocon, in 2001. Rex never used to care for the dance. For the last almost three years at every con, I'd only been to them for a few minutes each, when I could drag him there. Or else, by myself, when he was off doing... other things, and my mind was elsewhere, anyway. Now however, there, in that Place, I was reborn again. And I stayed for hours, and danced the nights away.
***
I had a couple of fancy dinners, with different groups of friends - a thing that I enjoy very very much. Spent litterally four hours at the Melting Pot, with Pyrophin, Scitters, and about 20 or so others (a few of which I got to talking to, and I think will now become quite good friends in the future). I sipped 100 year old Grand Marinier... and then, dipped marshmallows in it, and set them on fire. That place has now been redeemed for me, as well. I also had an absolutely wonderful dinner at the Sonoma Grill, with Direwolf, Tekfox and company. And enjoyed every single one hundred plus dollar bite of it. Thanks guys. *hugs all tight*
***
I had some very long talks, with several long time friends and acquaintances, with whom I've had... long standing unfinished business with, of some form or another. For years, in some cases. And I got to ask questions, and lay everything out on my side, once and for all, in ways that I never quite had before, and for the lack of it, had always nagged at me for the longest time. Perhaps, in some of those cases, maybe that's laid groundwork for new possibilities in the future. Perhaps not. But, in any case, if felt really really good to have all that closure. For coming into this thing as worried as I was, it was pretty amazing how much peace I was able to find, about a whole lot of different things. And, through it all, there were also other reminders of home calling back to me, reminding me of many new good things I may have to look forward to back here. Even things that had been here for awhile now, but I've only now just been starting to see them.
So... Yeah. Antrhocon, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You gave me just what I needed, right when I needed it the most. I'm so very glad that I came.
***
THIS IS IMPORTANT - READ THIS!
Now then. Having said all of that, there is one more story that I must tell. For, there is one thing that happened, I realized... that explains... EVERYTHING... that is wrong, with everything, and everybody, everywhere, for ever and always. Both litterally, and metaphorically. Absolutely everything. Are you ready for this? Cause, I'm serious as a heart attack here, so you'd better listen the fuck up, I'mma lay it all down for you, right now.
The names of the principals involved here have been omitted, they may not even read this, but they might. And, I do not wish to cause too much embarrassment or butthurt, but mmmmmmyou'd better listen up too. Thank you, in a way, for being such a shining example, and my eppiphany, but... I'mma smack the taste outta yer mouths if you don't heed the word, I swear to god.
So.
So at one point, on Sunday night, I decided to go back up to my room, to check out what was going on there. And I get there, and there's a whole bunch of people in there. All of whom I knew, I... think? Yes.
So anyway, they're all in there, and there's a whoooooole bunch of sex going on up in there. And clearly has been, for some time prior. "No big deal, I had that too," you say? Or, "goddamn, what the fuck, why couldn't I find that??" Nope, don't worry about it, not my point. Read on.
So, all of that's going on, and I'm a little buzzed and feeling pretty good, so I'm like mmmmmmmmmmalright, maybe I can get into this too. So, I get undressed, take a shower, and come back in to see what's up. Now, I'm not the kind of guy to just try to muscle in, and try to take me some of that. I don't do the whole competition thing. Me, I'm like, if you notice me, that's good, I'm here, I will respond to you. But if you don't, well then, fuck you too, I don't have time for that. But so, I get on the bed next to a couple of these guys, and wait to see what happens.
And, I'm watching these two going at it, both of them in fursuit with the heads off, and one of them's laying on his back, while the other one is leaning over him, giving him head. And the one giving head's really going at it, and the one laying back is getting all into it, and is all hot and bothered, and you can tell is getting really ready to blow his load.
AND THEN! All of a sudden, right there, in that very moment... the one giving head suddenly jerks himself up off of it, whips around to call out to his boyfriend who is over there standing behind him watching, and he yells, "Hey honey! Can you check my phone to see if [So And So] texted me? Cause he said he might want to get together and fool around later!
...
...
...
...And my jaw just hit the floor!!!
What?
WHAT?
Excuse me???
Did you REALLY just do what I think you just did? Is this happening, not happening? I don't even know anymore!
DUDE! Can you fucking finish having the sex that you're ACTUALLY having, before you're fucking rushing off in your own mind towards the sex that you aren't, but maybe could be having, later, some time in the future? Or maybe even, you know, not, for all you know??? You had HARD. DICK. IN. YOUR. MOUTH! You were in the moment! You were WHERE, ostensibly, you wanted to be, doing EXACTLY what you wanted to be doing!!! And you fucking STOPPED it, to chase after some magical other fantasy dick, that you don't have yet, that you might or might never have, and that might or might not be any better, than the one you HAVE RIGHT NOW! And you're missing it! You're missing your moment! And you fucking have it, and you don't even care or can't even see it, cause you're fucking chasing those other grapes, just out of reach, way over the fuck there somewhere!
UNBEFUCKINGLEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111ONE!
And I would be so motherfucking pissed as hell, if I was that guy that you stopped doing that to to have that little outburst over, and I would never even want to deal with you again, fuck. that. shit.
And as for [So And So]? Yeah, that never even happened at all, by the way. Cause, I saw [So And So] later the next morning, and recounted this whole story to him, and he burst out laughing and was surprised, and had no idea about any of all that at all. So, no, he wasn't missing you much, while you were missing out on what you COULD have had, and insulting and depriving the hell out of one really nice guy in the process. And, by the way, that's some quality dick right there, I should know, so bitch, bettah learn to appreciate what you have, and learn some humility and respect, thank you very much. You don't want it, tell you what, you go get the hell up off of it, and stop wasting everyone's time. *pimpsmacks!*
Yeah, so, that happened.
And then! Right after that... This other friend of mine, that I've played around with at times before, wasn't otherwise occupied, so he comes up to me, and he starts going down on me, and my head is still reeling from what I've just witnessed next to me, but I'm like alright, cool, I'm getting some now finally, and I'm gonna fucking enjoy it, ain't no way I'm gonna recreate what just happened over there...
But he starts doing that, and after a few seconds he stops, looks up at me... and fucking starts boasting to me about how much stuff he's already had that day, and how many times he'd gotten off earlier, etc...!
>.<
And I'm just like, in my head... YEAH! And, you could fucking be having one more, RIGHT NOW, if you'd just shut the fuck up and do it! And, by the way, not incidentally, while you're there telling me about it, and how great it all was, I'm fucking NOT having it, cause instead of making your muzzle useful, you're flapping it telling me how great the other stuff was and how satisfied you are. Can you possibly imagine, just for a moment, how really much I want to hear about all that right now??? What's tomorrow gonna be like? Are you gonna fucking reminisce tomorrow about the time last night that you reminisced about sucking dick, instead of, you know, fucking ACTUALLY SUCKING MY DICK???
Jesusfuckingchrist in hell!!! People are so fucking caught up in what they don't have yet, or what they could have, or what they used to have, that they don't fucking see WHAT THEY ACTUALLY FUCKING HAVE! It's right there! It's yours! All you have to do is reach out and take it!
Here, I'mma put on my serious face again, so you know how fucking serious I am!
...
And that... Is what is wrong, with everything, and every one. Fucking. Listen. To. Me.
*sighs, rubs paw to temple* hurrrrrrrrr... ImacoyoteImacoyoteImacoyote.... >.< *twitches, cricks neck*
So... after that, I'm like, fuck this, check please, I'm out... So I got up, got dressed again, and went back outside to people watch, hang out, and enjoy a very peaceful rest of the evening.
***
The next day, I woke up to an email from Jet Blue, saying that every fucking flight back to NYC was just summarily canceled, for some reason or another. There was a little bit of panic and scrambling there. But, I was very quickly rescued by Cliff Husky, Pyrophin, Scitters, and Curtis, who were driving back. And so, I spent a very very pleasant eight hours in the car ride back, just talking with Cliff, and listening to music, while the others slept in the back (minus Scitters, who was in a separate car). Stopped and ate at a Waffle House on the way back, awesome food, good times. Got back home, got to show off Fal's and my super fancy and nice apartment here in Hoboken, talked about how it just made us want to smack every lazy and retarded furry out there that just gives up, accepts failure as a way of life, and can't find it within themselves to make something of themselves.
I went to bed, happy, chipper, and feeling really really good about myself, and my life. It's been a very long and hard road, but, I've really done very well for myself, both financially, and in life. I'm in a very good place. And, I have some of the most amazing friends in the world, and nowhere to look but up, for my future to come. Life is good.
And, you ain't seen nothin' yet.
Aroo. ^.^
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